Tropical Leaves

Raw, real talk on all things me, you and everything in between.
Ending the stigma around invisible illness, positive body advocacy and suicide prevention. 

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How do I set boundaries with my family and friends?

It's hard isn't it.. telling someone that you love that you aren't going to meet their expectations. But that's just the thing. It is their expectations, which is not a reflection of you, your situation or your expectations. They say "you should care, but do not carry". This speaks volumes to me when it comes to self care and boundaries because at the end of the day we can care about someone else's needs and we can care about their feelings, but something we need to remember though is that we can't carry their expectations.

You might be like me, someone that used to have endless energy socially and career wise and then your body caught up with you (physically and mentally) and your capacity to engage becomes minimal.

You can feel the energy around you changing. The isolation hits hard. The people who used to be your supports now just think you are lazy, living in victim mode. They don't see, realise or understand the battles you are surviving on a daily basis.

That's where boundaries become the most magical thing. Don't get me wrong, setting boundaries is probably the hardest part of someone's self care journey. The other hard part though is realising that NO ONE is going to help you and it is only up to you to help yourself. Boundaries are your best friend. Because it's the fact that no one else is going to come in to save you that the boundaries start to work. By standing up for yourself and advocating for your needs - YOU are then able to start putting your pain, your trauma and your triggers first.

When you validate your pain, accept your pain and embrace the change your body/mind has experienced, the boundaries support you to gain back control of your life and ultimately gain back control of the trauma holding you back.

So to help you with your journey of setting boundaries here are 4 tips from the author of Setting Boundaries - Care for Yourself and Stop Being Controlled By Others - Dr Rebecca Ray. 1. Identify your boundaries and when they have been crossed (this is your daily bible to remind you not to fall back into servant ideology)

2. Recognise the patterns and habits that have failed to support you to feel empowered

3. Engage in difficult conversations from a place of strength and self-kindness

4. Set clear, intentional boundaries and become your most loving, fulfilled and authentic self.

To read more on setting boundaries, you can purchase Dr Rebecca Ray's book at

So now is the time. Set your boundaries. Set YOUR STANDARDS and choose you first! The rest will follow. Trust me. (It won't be instant but the willpower required WILL BE WORTH IT!

Love Elise


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